Verdict: I want to amend the things I said before because I like the game more since I finished it.

It took me almost a year to start playing the latest Zelda. Partly this was because my first impression of seeing Link transform into a wolf as a primary gameplay hook ...was that it was pretty fuckin' stupid. Maybe this is like how people complained that Link's sword-throwing attack in Zelda 2 was super-wimpy compared to Zelda 1. Or like how people just didn't like Zelda 2 in general because it was too different. But how does turning into a wolf help to maintain that traditional Zelda vibe? It doesn't. I don't even like the way the wolf looks; his face is too cartoony to take seriously.

But this is one of those games where playing is very different from watching. I credit the controller vibrations. Every subtle murmur you feel as you pounce and snarl helps to solidify the belief that you are a feral canine. It's surprisingly effective.

So after getting over the werewolf aspect, I have to admit this is the most dramatic presentation of the Zelda universe yet, recombining a lot of material from Ocarina and Wind Waker. It's certainly beautiful, although it's more serious than Wind Waker. It hearkens back to Ocarina in a number of familiar ways that Wind Waker did not, suggesting that Wind Waker was indeed an experimental divergence from the primary Zelda mold. In fact, I would say that streamlined, polished Twilight Princess almost —but not quite— replaces rough, low-poly Ocarina entirely because they contain a lot of the same features, but this time the experience of actually playing the game is better thought out. Ocarina was made during a period when Nintendo designers were still adjusting to suddenly being thrust into 3D and all the drama that implies, seemingly without the experience of even playing any 3D games. It takes too long to traipse from one place to another in Ocarina, and the camera behavior was awful. I guess if you lived within the bubble of Nintendo, having never played anything "3D" to that point, you might not know any better. I ultimately abandoned Ocarina because, although the dungeons were sweet, the experience in between the dungeons was so tedious that I couldn't stand it. And I'm afraid I'm just not interested in being forced to memorize a dozen flute songs. Twilight Princess succeeds again by making the musical portion of the game far more forgiving than previously, as if gradually coming to terms with those of us who don't give a fuck about having to pretend to play music for a few seconds. Overall, Twilight Princess sometimes seems to be what Ocarina should have been. Unfortunately, Ocarina still has a lot of uniquely memorable scenes that I may need to revisit some day.

My first impression of playing Twilight Princess gave me mixed feelings. While it looked and felt great, it was the easiest Zelda yet, easier than even Wind Waker. Sure, you can decide to see what happens when you jump in a pit, but otherwise the enemies will never come close to defeating you. I liked how they took some of the automated counter-attacks from Wind Waker and made them special moves in Twilight Princess, giving the player just that bit more volition, yet there didn't seem to be any need for them. The game is very linear and always makes it excessively clear what you're supposed to do next, which is sometimes convenient but makes it feel even more like there are no relevant choices to be made. Ultimately, combined with the sheer lack of difficulty, this suggests to me that the player is optional. Because I'm not much interested in advancing a long Final Fantasy movie by sporadically pressing the "A" button, I came close to abandoning this game, although things eventually turned better, as we shall see.

This is also the first Zelda to feature enormous cleavage. In case you're into that sorta thing. And speaking of which, what the hell is wrong with Link? Why all the fuss over plain old what's-her-face, the girl next door, who has no memory and, more importantly, no personality to speak of, when Telma is right there, obviously flirting with him? Actually, I know what's up. Even though he's blond, Link has been given some distinctly Japanese hero characteristics in this game. (Fortunately, they didn't give him a squeaky voice, like the Japanese version of Goku or Rockman X. On the other hand, I don't know what Link sounds like in Japanese, so there's still hope.) I'm cool with Link being Japanese because there's a little bit of Japanese style elsewhere in the game, particularly in the sumo wrestling, and it has its charm. And what's-her-face also fits the role of the Japanese heroine, which apparently is still indispensable despite how flagrantly boooring it has become. But the Japanese are obsessed with their stereotypes, so Link is stuck with Miss Plain. Also, since Telma is technically being played by a large black woman, it's only natural for a diminutive Japanese boy like Link to be terrified of her Gaijin Smash. Come to think of it, there are a lot of chicks in Twilight Princess that Link could potentially end up with if only the game was one of those "dating sims". It would be funny if that were an optional "side quest", but I'm pretty sure it would upset too many people, not to mention further the reputation of the Japanese. Actually, if they wanted to do really authentic Japanese, then the side quest would be for Link to collect a lot of women's underwear or lech after some 10-year-olds. But anyway, my point was that Telma is fucking hot, although (believe it or not) that's not what makes this game worth playing.

What saves this game is that it actually gets moderately difficult about halfway through. I was about ready to quit, cursing Shiggy's name for making another wussy Zelda and everything, when I reached the ice level and got killed for the first time by some dudes who apparently weren't going to lie down to some kid gingerly waltzing around with thumbsticks. I had a lot more respect for the game after I found that I had to pay attention. I even dreaded fighting the Darknuts, who had been merely amusing in Wind Waker. Now it was more the way it should be. I cite this accomplishment of the game as a pleasant surprise. It's also worth noting that the puzzles started to become interesting around the same time, prompting me to actually stop and think on a few spots.

So now my complaints about the game are minor, centered primarily around the under-utilization of some of the game's features. My favorite part of the game was probably the horseback battles, and I didn't get enough of them. Near the end of the game, after you get the last couple of tools, there is very little opportunity to enjoy them before the final battle (although this is pretty typical of many games). Dual hookshots‽ Yeah, that only lasted about five minutes. (Note that some of the Zelda team themselves have since expressed regret that the game ended up too broad to thoroughly exploit all of the available features.) I also had a lack of incentive to help the villagers build their bridge or whatever because the monetary reward is irrelevant by that point in the game. The suggestion of an economy is a subtle indication that Zelda is reaching the boundaries of the simple game that Zelda has always been and toying with the idea of becoming an excessively more complex game. Since this is a Japanese console title, the chances of such are nil, so we will have to continue to voluntarily pretend that helping the villagers was meaningful in its own right. And finally, for some reason the final battle with Ganon is embarrassingly easy compared with the rest of the game, which is odd considering that childish Wind Waker had a harder Ganon.

So in the end I think Twilight Princess was worth playing after all. Even while the game is still too easy, the atmosphere is strong, there are some pretty unique experiences worth seeing, and some of the bosses are plenty epic. I particularly liked the mood of some of the locales, such as the desert dungeon. If you would have liked Ocarina if only it were less annoying, this might do it for you.

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I like to point out one other thing about these new Zelda games, which actually applies to many modern so-called games. After playing several of these over holiday break, with their high amount of polygons and low amount of interactivity, I felt the need to go back and play something real, like Zelda 2. I had a lot of trouble playing this on the GameCube because all of the available controllers were slightly worn out. The funny thing is that glitchy controllers aren't really noticeable when you're playing modern games because you barely do anything to play. And this proves it: put in something requiring some old-fashioned coordination like Zelda 2, and the slightest flaw in the controller will ruin your chances of getting anywhere. After several retarded deaths, I had to give it another shot on the ol' NES when I got back home, and fortunately I can say that I still punish at this game. It's sad to think that a game with a combat experience as intense and meticulously crafted as Zelda 2 will be superceded by games that can offer nothing comparable.